Since I left my first college I’ve had a lot of free time. Free time for going out, having fun… And spending impulsively. I had quite a lot of money inherited from one of my aunts and well it’s not a lot anymore.
You see whenever I felt bad (which was most of the time) I would “treat myself” to something and when I felt good I wouldn’t be so worried about money and spend more.
I heard that this is a thing with BPD and although I’ve improved in many things recently, the spending is still a problem and my anxiety about it is getting worse as the number on my bank statement gets smaller and smaller.
I’ve had some ideas on how I could manage this;
- Put a portion of the money into a savings account so it’s less easy accessable and it gains interest
- Only buy from charity shops and small businesses that aren’t so obsessed with making money so it’s cheaper and I’m helping a good cause/helping a business grow (some positive karma for my future business hopefully lol)
- A lot of my money has been spent on books but now I think I’ll make the most of my library card and borrow books only buying them if I really like them.
- Set up an online account with eBay or etsy and sell the stuff I bought on impulse that I’m not actually bothered about now lol
- Get a job (although this has been proving easier said than done
- Have a set budget for the week. Say £20.00 and I spend that money on food from college then, if I have any money left I can choose to save it for next week, donate it to charity or treat myself depending on how much I have left.
I think the cause of this urge to spend is that I’m bad at self care because I often feel bad and I get a little surge of joy when I see something I like and buy it but then I feel bad again. I think instead of treating myself by buying things I should do other things like read a book I enjoy in a warm bath or just treat myself better in general really.
I don’t know whether any of these ideas will work but I will try and let you know how it goes further down the line 🙂
Thank you for reading,