Recently I haven’t been able to get the help I need, The Mental Health Services have let me down yet again. So I took matters into my own hands and started making positive changes. I’ve been exploring my spirituality (crystals, card readings, law of attraction) and incorporating it into my everyday life which seems to make me happy in the moment but anxiety keeps creeping in, wanting things to go back to how they were and I get so annoyed because I know these changes are good but there’s still part of me that’s scared… why?
Well on a very long car journey I was listening to this song (link below) and then I realized It’s the broken part of me (the traumatized part that has been hurt, beaten and broken) that’s scared because I’m basically pushing her out by getting rid of the old and replacing it with the new, like she never existed.
She’s scared because she thinks I’m destroying her, she’s crying out because she doesn’t want me to abandon her like so many others have (they say pain demands to be felt) I’m on a journey to be better, at first I thought it was to do with being perfectly positive and pushing out the “bad” feelings but I realize now that by being so strict on myself I’m hurting that hurt part of me more.
She is a part of me, who I was and who I will become and if I want to learn self love, I must first learn self acceptance and it includes her. I need to listen to her and remind her that she is loved and it’s okay. We’ll be okay.
Thank you for reading,