TRIGGERED

I spend a lot of my spare time on the internet which has been both a blessing and a curse. What I wanted to talk about was #triggered, now, most of you may think of this as a mental health thing. Something happens that makes you remember past trauma and causes you distress but now thanks to the wonders of the internet it has become a meme/joke to say that someone is offended when the two are different things.

It got me thinking that a lot of the times online, people who are genuinely triggered or trigger warnings are made fun of as being overly sensitive or a “special snowflake”. I think this whole thing came about to make fun of people on Tumblr and SJWs (social justice warriors)

I’m wondering if stuff like this is what stops me from talking about being triggered when I truly I am, for fear people won’t take me seriously. For example I was scrolling through Instagram a while back and came across this drawing someone had done (I won’t describe it) that had triggered me. There was no trigger warning, no “nsfw” sign just the image and a note below it saying “if you don’t like it, keep scrolling” but it was too late I saw it. I tried to push past it, deleted it from my feed  and just kept scrolling like they said but I saw something else just like it and I just couldn’t, I deleted the app feeling scared, angry and ashamed.

I wanted to report the drawings but I was afraid of people saying I was too sensitive or that I have no right to censorship and stuff like that, but it was really messed up like why would someone draw something so… I don’t even know how to describe it but because of it memories and old feelings came back to me and that night I had a nightmare linked to all of it.

There are people who I can’t even hear the names of now because I attach them to feeling of intense anxiety or rage. There was a time where I felt pressured to do something I was really uncomfortable with and because of my past experiences I felt sick with fear and thought I was going to have a panic attack. When I told them this, they didn’t take me seriously, they thought I was joking ( why would I joke about something like that?) And that made me feel worse. I fell out with them shortly afterwards and now my brain links them to anxiety and anger. Whenever they are mentioned that memory is brought back to me and I start shaking, wanting to cry while also feeling so furious. Does anyone else know a person who affects them like this? Is it normal for someone like me?

Thanks for reading, NI2M ❤

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