Between Two Worlds

My Neurofeedback treatment is almost over but I don’t believe that the recovery process is. There is still some things I need to deal with such as my symptoms of Post Traumatic Stress and OCD, things I am hopefully going to get psychological help for with the Community Mental Health Team (CMHT) sometime this year.

Basically I feel like I’m in possibly the scariest part of recovery where I’m better than I was at the start but still not where I need to be. I think about it as two worlds, One that has all my old relationships, behaviours and coping mechanisms and then the other which is yet to be explored but contains (hopefully) better relationships and behaviours. The new, mentally healthier, me. The way I see it, I’m in the space between, where I’m moving on from the old world but haven’t arrived at the new one.

This scares me because I’m having to let go of things I once knew while also not knowing whats next. I mean I’m taking steps to this new world such as learning employability skills so I can get a job I’m trying different things to discover more about myself and make new friends. At the moment nothing is settled, I don’t have a job, an established identity or any concrete new friends.

I am however doing some things better, I’m facing fears, letting go of things I know are bad for me and constantly learning. Everything is hanging in the balance I don’t have my old support system or coping mechanisms, I’m having to learn to do without them and find new ones. There’s no going back now only forward to the unknown…

 

Thank you for reading, NI2M 🙂 ❤

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