DepressionDiaries: Being Mean/ The Confrontation Situation

Now I’m really bad at confrontations. 1 because I don’t like upsetting people and 2 because I have anger management problems so an argument with me can go 0- 100 real quick but recently I had to rise up to the challenge of a confrontation. I got a message from this person I hadn’t spoken to in a long time because… I don’t like them.

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They basically put pressure on me by saying I should decide whether or not we should still be friends and that she cares even if I don’t; basically just making me feel bad. It was out of the blue and this person was the last thing on my mind.

I knew I had to end it there and then instead of dragging it out and try to settle things like an Adult. So I basically told her that being with her felt too much like high school (I knew her back then) because she doesn’t seem to have changed since then and would always speak bitterly about others that were there even though high school was over three years ago.

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I told her she needed some space and time to move on to which she got really defensive and soon the nice NI2M was gone and I became brutally honest with her. How bitter and selfish she was and how I felt like she was holding me back as I’ve been trying to recover with her lack of consideration and sometimes blatant disrespect for others. She pretty much just did the classic “I know what you are but what am I?” thing and I knew trying to make her see why so many people from school didn’t want to be her friend (because she’s pretty much a bully) was pointless so I shut her down by saying “haha whatever girl bye”

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So after some ranting to my friends who also knew her and already had confrontations with her I started feeling bad. My friends and even my mum had reassured me that I did and said the right things but I still felt guilty, I still felt like a bad person even though I knew I was right and that’s the most annoying thing about confrontations, the irrational guilt that feeling that everything is your fault even though it’s not. It’s been a day since it happened and I feel okay now. Looking back on it I was totally right because that argument felt very much like the ones we used to have at highschool and I want to move on from that stage of my life even if she doesn’t.

My lessons here are arguments are a part of life and its often best to speak your mind instead of bottling up your rage and if you really think someone isn’t good for you then it’s okay to end it with them you’ll probably find your life is better without them. If not you could end up taking on their behaviour and becoming someone you don’t want to be as people can have a great impact on us (especially if you have BPD)

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Thanks for reading,

NI2M ❤

 

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