Voices in my head, Insomnia even worse than usual, Low confidence and getting upset over the smallest of things. Feeling the need to cry everyday and tossing and turning at night. My depression is taking its toll on me again.
I haven’t been around for ages because I didn’t really have anything to talk about, things were okay so I figured there wasn’t really any point in writing a “depression diaries” post considering I wasn’t very depressed, it was lying dormant for weeks but now its back with a vengeance.
I’ve tried talking about it with my friends but they often act as if I hadn’t said anything, they don’t want to talk about it even though mental illness is a big part of who I am and it just feels so lonely. I decided to delete my messaging apps so I would stop excessively checking my phone for the messages I haven’t received. It’s typical that the few people I ACTUALLY want to talk to don’t want to talk to me.
Did I do something wrong? Are they THAT scared of my mental health problems? maybe they’re going through a rough time themselves I know I can go quiet when I’m feeling bad. Maybe I should never have mentioned my depression coming back. It’s just hard that they’re not there for me at the moment and its making me feel worse about everything.
I’ve been worse though I mean I haven’t had a breakdown yet and there is this one friend who’s usually the comedian of the group but he’s taking my mental health very seriously which is good so I’m not completely alone, I guess.
There’s also my mum, dad and siblings who make me feel loved, I just got to try and manage those negative paranoid thoughts that say otherwise. There are also my books which are my escape and just talking about books makes me feel better. I’ve been reading more since my Nan’s death and it seems to be helping.
I think preparing for my cousin’s wedding also occupied my mind and stopped the depression from seeping in because it started soon after the wedding was over. The wedding went much better than I had expected and it was actually super fun but of course now I’m sinking down into Depression Town. Guess I’ve just go to keep reading and sleep as much as I can even during the day and I should survive this…