Whenever things seem to be going my way for once something inside of me… hates that.
We were going to a castle that was used in some scenes of my favourite show Merlin. Obviously I was super excited and I took loads of photos but something changed after a while.
I was grumpy and down and I don’t even know why. This often happens, on my birthdays or anyday when we’re doing something for me.
A part of me sees things that are wrong and gets fixated on it to bring down my mood. This is almost always down to a thought of the tiniest thing not going as hoped.
It’s like something inside me doesn’t want me to be happy, doesn’t think I deserve good things so ruins it by making me feel bad.
I basically sabotage myself. I get depressed when a day is bad but when a day is supposed to be good my brain finds something to be depressed about. So I can’t win either way pretty much.
I can never win with myself. Can you lose a battle with yourself though? It seems like I am.