DepressionDiaries: I Wanna Be Somebody Else

 

Things suck with me right now, granted I’ve not been as bad as I could be but still pretty bad. I’ve spent the past few days annoying myself by imagining myself doing better while in reality I’m just sitting on the sofa or lying in bed staring into space. I see myself going for a run in the rare sunshine, meditating, doing yoga and being at peace with myself and the world. In my imagination I’m active, peaceful and I am healthy but then come back to reality and it is the total opposite.

Honestly I hate myself, I mean what good am I doing? None. I don’t want to socialise with friends, Don’t want to make videos and I had to persuade myself to write this post. I am anything but the healthy person that does good that I want to be; in fact my hair is greasy because I haven’t washed it in days, I’m spending most of my time in my pyjamas and doing absolutely sod all.

Things aren’t going too well with my family either since my Nan’s death. My dad is being rather cruel to his sister (my aunt) and there is conflict about the funeral arrangements. The only people that seem to be able to sort it out is me and my female cousin because well my cousin is pretty tough talking when she needs to be and I don’t really speak up often in conflict so if I do speak people know to listen as it must be important.

Honestly I don’t think my Nan would want this, us fighting, I remember before she died she said something about wanting our family to be together and we are but also… not if that makes sense. Yeah its not a good time to be me right now… writing this was an effort and I don’t think I’ve written enough, I have some sort of block in my head right now that’s stopping me from expressing myself and it is actually hurting me. Back to bed for me I think.

 

Artwork  by: Catherine Hennessey 

Recommended Song for this post:  Don’t Let me Get Me by P!NK

NI2M ❤

 

Advertisements

DepressionDiaries: Life Is Not A Race

Everyone is moving so quick these days. We’re all in a hurry to get… somewhere. We race to catch the bus or the train. Everything is about TIME how much time do I have to do this do that? When is the next thing happening?” We spend so much time looking down at our watches or phones checking the time that we’re actually wasting it.

Even when we have time to relax we don’t relax we spend the time thinking about what happened previously or what we need to do next. The world passes by in a blur as we race through it, not taking notice of anyone or anything just our goal.

How fast can I get to university? how fast can I get a job? how fast can I learn this? no matter what I have to be faster than my peers because that makes me better than them… Or does it?

While we spend our time rushing to our next goal thinking about how we can be better than others we’re not really taking the time to enjoy life are we? Its all a blur to those who are going through life faster, everything is fast for them including their heart rate. By being fast and “the best” the stress is greater therefore increasing the risk of both physical and mental health problems. So are the people who are faster than you REALLY better than you?

We seem to treat life like a race, we’re always thinking about the next thing and trying to meet our goals as fast as possible because we believe it will make us “better” than our fellow man (or woman) when really, people who live like that, they’re not really LIVING are they? they’re in a rush to meet their goals and be the first or the best. They seem to be rushing their life like they want to be the quickest to their grave.

So think about that if the fast paced race was too much for you that doesn’t make you weak, by taking the slower route you have the ability to properly LIVE by taking the time to really notice things that faster people cannot because the world is a blur to them but not to you.

Life Is Not A Race… SO take your time and take the next step when you are ready, you’ll more likely be better off in the long run 😉

snail-pace-300x234  NI2M ❤