It’s March 2nd, its been exactly one year since I started Depression Diaries. Back in the days when my blog was just a baby and I had no idea what it would grow to be. I’d actually created my blog in January but we won’t talk about the posts I used to write because they don’t really reflect myself, back then I was trying to be like other bloggers, a blogger I thought I wanted to be.
Depression Diaries started because I had been inspired by bloggers I’d come across who had been brave enough to share their inner most thoughts and feelings, giving insight into life with a mental illness. I was back on sick leave from college and on the verge of giving it up as well as life in general. Depression was pretty much ruling my life and I just thought you know what? if this is a thing I might as well put it to good use.
The series was created to help me vent and find some solace but also to help others find comfort or gain knowledge. I re- read some of my old posts and realised how far I’ve come in the past year. I am so much more confident online and offline; I feel I can talk about mental illness with confidence and not hide the true nature of it.
When I first started writing the series I was still stuck in that mind set that I had to be cheery and use humour to tone down and filter the raw truth for the sake of not wanting to inconvenience others with my troubles even though I was really suffering. I would use funny pictures and try to feign an optimistic view that was just false. Don’t get me wrong my blogs have always been honest but back in those days I had a filter in my writing that didn’t give the whole picture of me and my life with mental illness.
After a few months of networking with other mental health bloggers I’d grown in confidence enough to remove that filter, I think by then I’d lost practically everything anyway so I didn’t have anything to lose by being completely honest and I found that removing the rose tinted filter from my writing was the best thing I could have done because my blog grew which meant my support network grew as well, Many people have appreciated my honesty and I feel for once I can be truly proud of myself for being so brave and making a difference to people’s lives whether they are mentally ill or know someone who is.
I can still have fun with my posts nowadays but only if I feel I can instead of forcing it like I used to. I’ve surprised myself sometimes by my sense of humour and how I can wield it even in my darkest time.
It’s been a rollercoaster of a journey but I’m glad I’ve had you with me for the ride. This community we’ve got means so much to me, the support and kindness we give eachother and honesty that’s hard to come across offline has given me a place to belong and not feel judged which is something we all need especially if we have a mental illness or few because offline we can be so outcasted and stigmatized by people who know nothing of what it’s like to be mentally ill.
On that note, may our blogs live long and prosper.