Christmas can be a stressful time of year and don’t I just know it. A while ago I made a post about how my moods have been all over the place and worse than usual then on Christmas day it all came to a head.
I was finally able to give my mum, sister brother and dad the presents I’d bought because for once I had my own money thanks to one of my aunts who sadly passed away. So I decided to take responsibility for my own presents to give and this was daunting. I was really excited but so so nervous at the same time. What if they didn’t like what I’ve got them? What if it’s the wrong size? What if they already have it?
I saw buying gifts for others as a way of proving how much I cared and knew them but what if I got it wrong?
When they all opened their presents I got much better reactions than I had expected; my brother was actually sweet! My dad was laughing ( a rare occurance nowadays) my mum was delighted and my sister didn’t put aside my gifts and move on straight away.
When my dad and half brother left (they don’t live with us) I broke down, I was just so overwhelmed with the anxiety and excitement. It wasn’t as bad as other panic attacks I’ve had though there was mainly a lot of crying and gasping for air.
So yeah it’s true that mental illness does not stop for the holidays. My brain’s Christmas present to me was an emotional breakdown but apart from that the day went well 🙂