DepressionDiaries: Going Down Hill

I’m going down hill again I can feel it. Like how it happened a year ago. I can’t focus, I’ve tried to do some work but instead I went into a panic attack; tight chest, difficulty breathing, crying and feeling sick. I missed college today because as soon as I woke up I was so tired and I felt like crying. I don’t want to go (to college) I thought to myself.

My half term break wasn’t exactly a break for me thanks to my brother and H but also the fact that I’ve been stressing out about college. I’ve also been let down by a friend who was supposed to be my second model for my portrait photography work but two days ago I messaged her on whatsapp asking her what times she would be free this week to do the shoot… she still hasn’t replied. Honestly I was kind of expecting it as she has let me down twice before but that just makes it worse you know? where you think badly of someone you care about and want it to be wrong but it turns out to be right.

My head feels wrong I think I may have another panic attack. Oh God, I don’t think I can do this whole college thing again. I’m losing motivation, I’m panicking, I’m tired all the damn time, I’ve started hurting myself again and just when things were starting to look up as well…

NI2M ❤

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