DepressionDiaries: I hurt myself but I’m okay with that…

Warning: This post talks about self harm read with caution.

Well… I gave in. I hurt myself it wasn’t just because of this bad day either. At college I’ve been getting super drained to the point that I would sleep the rest of the afternoon or evening away depending on when I arrived home.

I’ve been feeling very tired physically and emotionally to the point that I spend most of my spare time asleep or reading instead of something more productive that I like such as writing stories or drawing. Honestly it’s kind of depressing me.

I was lying in bed this evening feeling absolutely miserable and exhausted unable to sleep though because I didn’t want to and all I could think about was how self harm would sort of wake me up through a surge of adrenaline making me feel more alive rather than dormant in a haze of boredom and fatigue.

I’m really sorry to everyone who believed in me, I’m sorry I let you all down but I hope you understand right now I need to hurt myself so I can do more than just work, eat and sleep. 

I won’t cut don’t worry so there’s no risk of losing too much blood, I will use non-lethal methods of hurting myself and I’ll try not to do it too often, only when I need to.

You may think I’m weak, relapsing again but understand I’m using this to push through fatigue and get through the day if anything I’m pretty damn strong as I could just not go to college at all but I know I’ve got to keep trying with it (it’s only been 5 weeks) I will be okay once I can handle college properly.



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