DepressionDiaries: Tired. So Tired…

Today was a long,busy day. My timetable is packed on a thursday and I have most of my lessons in the morning which means I use up most of my energy during that time and feel drained in the afternoon.

Today wasn’t a particularly good day either. Started off getting stuck in traffic and arriving to college with 5 minutes to get to class on time (luckily I made it with two minutes to spare)

Also on the way I nearly had a panic attack when I realised my USB stick wasn’t where I usually keep it. I did find it, it just fell in the car, but it was the scariest few minutes of my student life so far.

In class we had to do quite a bit of teamwork which meant… Socialising (queue dramatic music)

 I don’t have anything against anyone in my class, in fact, I think they’re a great bunch of people but,as an introvert with depression and possibly some social anxiety mixed in with that,too much social activity stresses me out to the point that I need to hide  in a toilet cubicle to calm myself down.

We also got our first assignment brief for our first unit of coursework today and I felt immediately over whelmed at how much I would have to do within three weeks. 

Thoughts of fear and self doubt started circling my head. How am I supposed to get all this done within three weeks? I’m not sure I can do this. There’s so much to do. So much research to be done. So many photos to be taken. So much to write about. I will do this assignment but I’m not sure I will be much good at it. What if I fail?I’ll only have a week to resubmit and fix my mistakes. Oh God I can’t fail . I must not fail. Help me. Oh God, it’s only the first week and I’m already freaking out.

This stress followed me all the way home from college. Where I hit my fist against my desk in frustration because my laptop wouldn’t work properly, I could see myself throwing it out the window so I stepped away from it and lay in bed, a wave of exaustion hit me as I finally let myself rest and promptly fell asleep for two hours. 

I still feel wrecked and it’s another busy day tomorrow so I will be heading back to bed as soon as I finish this post.

NI2M ❤

Song of the day:  Headphones by Britt Nicole


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