DepressionDiaries: Broken Glass// Broken Skin

TRIGGER WARNING: This post goes into detail about self harm.

I did something bad last night. I really wasn’t thinking straight. I felt so lonely, frustrated and depressed that logic went out the window.

I knocked my bedside table. Letting things on top of it fall. Including a drinking glass. The glass smashed and as I looked at the pieces I thought I could cut myself with that. 

At first I tried fighting the temptation but as I was picking up and clearing away the pieces I grabbed one and scratched my arm with it.

At first it seemed fine but then I started bleeding, I must have cut myself deeper than I thought because the blood took a while to stop and my skin where the glass made contact was stinging.

I’ve self harmed before but this is the first time I’ve made myself bleed. I don’t like bleeding because you can’t just tell your body to stop it. The blood just keeps going until it eventually stops. 

That’s why I don’t like bleeding because I have very little control over it and I like being able control some aspects of my life not to mention the fact that I have a fear of blood… Ironic isn’t it? A self harmer being afraid of blood.

Since, like I said, I don’t like blood I doubt I will do something like this again and I’d  been doing so well lately that to start hurting myself everyday again would ruin my progress. This was just a setback or “glitch” I’m going to call it where something goes wrong and I temporarily go back to my old ways.

So I’m not going to go back to self harm fully. I’m just going to take this as a glitch and try to figure out what triggered it and find a better way of handling it.

NI2M ❤

Song of the day:  Hurts Like Hell by Fleurie


2 thoughts on “DepressionDiaries: Broken Glass// Broken Skin

  1. Geeky Tomato says:

    Being a self harmer and being afraid of blood is okay. Well not okay but I hope you understand what I mean. I’m exactly like you. I’ve pretty much stopped self harming now, but I understand how you feel. I’d hate to draw blood when I self harmed and thankfully I never did. Here for you always.

    Liked by 1 person

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