It’s midnight over here in England. Recently I would usually be asleep by now but tonight there is so much going on in my head.
- I’ll be starting at my new college in a few days and I don’t know how it will go. Will it be worse than my previous college? Will I get bullied again?
- I will be doing a fundraiser for the charity MIND on Saturday and I’m anxious about what might happen. Will people want to buy my stuff? Will people try to steal from our table? Will I be able to handle the pressure?
- Another thing was I started worrying about my distant future, worrying I might end up homeless. I even asked my mum how people end up homeless so I would know how to avoid that fate
- Nightmares. A downside to not having disrupted sleep is that I can have really strange dreams which sometimes turn into nightmares, it makes me afraid to got to sleep sometimes.
- Itching, I’ve been getting rashes on my skin which doctors told me to look out for as it could be a side effect of the lamotrogine I’m on but mum says they’re just heat rashes but it doesn’t stop me stressing everytime I get an itch even if there is no rash.
- Anxiety. My anxiety is stressing me out because it makes me feel vulnerable to my fears and tormented by what I can’t fix at the moment. Splashing cold water on my face and reading a few chapters of my book have helped but I really don’t want to turn the light off and lie back in my bed again in case my brain starts kicking off.
Well, after that venting I do feel slightly calmer now, though I’m not sure I’m ready to go back to bed just yet. On a more cheerful note today (2nd September 2016) is the 6 month anniversary of Depression Diaries. I wrote the first ever entry on March 2nd 2016, I can’t believe how far it has come. I’ll probably write a post revolving around this anniversary but in case I don’t, Thank you for your support, without you reading Depression Diaries it would not have come as far as it has.
Now then I think I may read some more of my book and then maybe settle down to sleep. Thank you for reading.