DepressionDiaries: I won’t give in…

Today has been stressful. Kind of my own fault really, I over slept which meant I was running late to meet up with a friend and the movie would soon start, luckily we made it in time.

We went to see the movie Nine Lives. It was funny but also emotional I won’t spoil it but let’s just say by the end of it some audience members were crying because it was such a touching movie about families (if you’ve been reading my blog for a while you probably know that my family means a lot to me so this movie really got to me)

Later on I went into a charity shop and fell in love with this gorgeous,black dress with silver embroidery. It was stunning and I loved it so much I had a fight with myself over buying it. Eventually I did, it was only £20. I don’t usually get emotional over dresses but this one fit me like a glove and made me feel like a gothic princess. I felt wonderful in it, shame I don’t really have anywhere to wear it to though. Aww well I think I’ll just use it as a “confidence dress” so when I’m low on self esteem I can wear it and feel better about myself.

When I returned home an Emotion Explosion erupted (for those of you who don’t know what that is; it’s when you’ve spent so long keeping your emotions on the inside that when you finally let your guard down you feel all emotions at once) I was happy but also sad, irritated and tearful.

An urge to self harm edged it’s way into my mind and I had to distract myself before I acted on it. I drew some emotional sketches inspired by anime and music while letting myself have a cry. The urge to hurt myself is still around but it’s much less intrusive than it was before. I refuse to hurt myself, I’ve come so far already, I won’t go back now.

NI2M

Author’s Note:  I wrote this post yesterday but didn’t publish it because I couldn’t decide whether it was worth publishing or not so I decided to sleep on it.

 

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