DepressionDiaries: Dreams of the Ward (Advice Wanted)

As most of you reading this probably know, I have spent 7 days and 7 nights on a psychiatric ward. I’ve been home and away from the ward for about two weeks now but that doesn’t mean the ward has left me. Since I left I’ve had at least two dreams (more like nightmares) of the ward, at least two that I can recall, there may have been more.

My first dream of the ward involved me being back there but not being allowed to leave. I was screaming, crying and lashing out. I remember how I felt during that dream, I felt trapped.

The second one I had last night. I was on holiday with my dad, his partner and my half brother; we were staying in  this house but all of a sudden random people started joining us in this house, I felt panicked as everywhere I turned someone was there, no locks on the doors and a distinct lack of privacy (like on the ward)

My dad had to take me home to my mum as I had severe anxiety and started throwing up but my mum ended up literally dragging me back to the ward  where I somehow ended up in the room of the verbally aggressive patient but this time we were actually nice to each other! she told me about this party that the ward was having for some reason (there are no ward parties in real life) and when I entered the dining room it didn’t look how I remembered it, the walls were bland with no sign of windows, it was like a prison. Fellow patients seemed to be fighting over me, wanting me to sit with them and trying to turn me against other patients.

Fair to say it was strange, I have to go back to the psychiatric ward for my ward round tomorrow where I’ll probably be getting discharged, maybe I have a subconscious fear of returning to the ward and being made to stay there against my will? I have been trying not to think about ward round knowing how much anxiety talking to professionals brings out in me so maybe the anxiety is expressing itself in my dreams instead?

I don’t know, if you think you know what may be going on with me or you have advice on how to ease my anxiety I would really appreciate it if  you left a comment.

Thank you for reading,

NI2M

Song of the day:  I’ve Been Worse by Emma Blackery

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19 thoughts on “DepressionDiaries: Dreams of the Ward (Advice Wanted)

  1. Rayne says:

    I think it’s a combination of your time there… You’re still dealing with the ‘after effects’. And your current anxiety about going back tomorrow. Maybe you have a fear that they won’t let you out and decide to keep you there. At least that’s what it seems like to me. I’m no dream expert, lol.

    Liked by 2 people

  2. powerofenduring says:

    I had the awful experience of having to be in 3 psych wards for 5 to 7 days each time between February and June of this year. So, I feel your pain. I still have nightmares and it has been almost 4 months. They still scare the shit out of me every time and leave me anxious. With time my flashbacks and nightmares are getting better though, slowly but surely. You will get through it!

    Liked by 1 person

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