Morning: I was at home and got a call from a member of staff at the ward asking if I could spend another night at home. I was not expecting this, I kept telling them since Day Two I would be returning from weekend leave on Monday and they said that was fine and now they were going back on the plan and they had already called the crisis team to come and visit me which meant they weren’t expecting me to go back.
I was furious especially since the staff member who called was the only one I actually trusted (not any more) I really wanted to destroy something with my anger, I ripped up newspapers, punched a wall and threw my phone.
Afternoon: My angry episode was topped off by my mum telling me that my nan definitely had cancer and it was inoperable, I started crying. My distress actually lead me to return to the ward earlier than planned.
When I arrived back at the ward I called a few friends and family members to update them on what was happening. Later I had a visit from my aunt and one of my cousins, I gave them some insight into life on a Psychiatric Ward.
Evening/Night: I had finally calmed down by early evening and managed to read a chapter of my book, eat dinner and have a shower.
After a while things got heated between patients on the ward after one of us went missing; no one knew where she was, not even staff. People were blaming a woman who had criticized the missing girl and obviously there were tears, raised voices and worry as everyone tried to contact the missing girl (including me) but got no answer.
After about two-three hours of this, at about 9pm, the missing girl finally returned safe. Turns out she took a bus all the way back to her home town before she was found and brought back to the ward.
Author’s note: We’ll call the “Missing girl” Flossie as she will become more apparent in my story soon and I don’t want to keep calling her “the girl who went missing” because she was a friend of mine while I was at the ward.
Morning: I woke up to the verbally aggressive patient yelling her head off as usual but I was thankful for her yelling today as because of it I woke up with just enough time to get some breakfast which I would have missed otherwise.
After breakfast I spent some time with the occupational therapist doing some colouring in, to him I was concentrating really well but actually I was thinking about anything and everything while I coloured in my paper treehouse.
I was told that I would have my first ward round today, they made a big fuss of me coming back for it if I stayed at home on Monday. I looked at the lists for who was having ward round today and tomorrow, I was on neither of the lists. When I enquired about it, turned out one of the staff members put another patient on both lists instead of one so it was her name instead of mine on the Wednesday list.
Afternoon: Flossie had been discharged today, she didn’t think she was ready which was why she did a runner yesterday. It took a while for her to calm down and see that being discharged might be the best thing for her but she was still in no hurry to go home so we sat in the hospital cafeteria with our drinks for a while. She asked me questions about my nan which were hard to answer as it just brought home the bleak reality of the situation, I managed to keep it together though until I got back to the ward where I cried in the shower.
In late afternoon, my mum came to visit me at the usual time and she took me to see my nan, it was good to see her settling back home even if it was only temporary. The last time I visited her in the hospital while I was on weekend leave and it ended up with me running back to the ward as events and thoughts were becoming too much for me and I didn’t want my nan to see me cry or start throwing and hitting things.
Evening/night: One of the patients decided she wanted to do everyone’s nails so I sat with her and two other women at one of the dining tables, it was like a mini salon. When it came to my turn to have my nails done I decided to go for a light purple, it was while she was doing my nails that the woman doing them;the woman who had barely been at the ward a couple of days, who only just met me the day before, the one who insulted Flossie, pissed me off as she started talking to me as if I was a child and she was my mother, telling me off for putting my hand in my lap like I was five and asking if I had Asperger’s because I made a joke with one of the women who I saw as an aunt and knew since I first arrived at the ward but she didn’t like it and told me off for saying “the wrong thing at the wrong time” she was such a hypocrite as she’s been known to do the same thing , in fact her and “aunt” had argued about what she said to Flossie the night before.
I was really upset, with her for treating me like that when she had no right and I was upset with myself for being so stupid, It wasn’t the first time I had been treated like this, as the youngest on the ward and a lot of the women being mothers outside the ward, they took it upon themselves to try and treat me like their daughter, in some cases I was okay with it but in others I hated it as it made me feel small and lose confidence making conversation with any of them. I vowed to spend my seventh day alone in my room as I had enough of people trying to control me and I had no trust in any of the staff either as most of them didn’t seem to care.
Day Seven Coming Soon…