These are my notes from day three and four of my stay at a psychiatric ward.
Morning: Last night I was given a dose of Lorazepam to sort of knock me out of my suicidal episode that’s probably why I was in such a deep sleep that I didn’t hear members of staff knocking on my door and calling me for breakfast. I slept until 10am so I missed breakfast by about an hour.
I had not been called for ward round on Tuesday or Wednesday so I thought I wouldn’t be able to see a doctor about my meds for another week. However I did express how anxious I was to see a doctor about getting my medication changed to a member of staff so they were able to get me a doctor today (Thursday)
I was put back on melatonin and the doctor noted that my hallucinations appeared to get worse from the Zopiclone so I’m not touching that stuff anymore. My fluoxetine seemed to no longer work so my dose of it was decreased back down to 20mg and I’ve been prescribed Lamotrogine, a mood stabiliser that’s mainly used to treat Bipolar disorder.
Afternoon: I met a spiritual therapist. We discussed my belief in God and interest in Buddhism. To be honest I’m still exploring my faith.
I did some poster designing with the Occupational Therapist, I gave my poster to him as he would be leaving to work somewhere else for a while.
Evening/Night: We had a musical therapy session, this is how I discovered my singing voice, staff and patients complimented my voice and people teared up listening to my version of “Make You Feel My love” by Adele. It felt good to sing without holding back, I reached notes that I didn’t think I could reach and I think at one point I broke into Opera. The musical therapist did not want me to stop singing.
I had an encounter with the verbally aggressive patient from the day before. she started being nasty to me again but this time I didn’t bottle up my emotions, I squared up to her because judging by the tone of her voice and what she was saying to me she wanted to fight me and quite frankly I wanted to fight her because she was so horrible.
She was clearly all talk and no fight though as the argument ended with her storming out of the room and me yelling “yeah, that’s right, F*ck off!” if she hadn’t been so abusive to my fellow patients and tried to play the victim I would have left it but no she had to just tell people to go kill themselves, call them awful names and then try and get pity from members of staff, verbally abusing them as well if they didn’t give her what she wanted.
Morning: I met with a crisis team assessor to discuss the support I would get over my weekend leave. Honestly by then I thought I’d seen enough of the crisis team but I don’t think I had a choice, they would check up on me anyway.
Afternoon: I went to the shops with other patients on leave and bought myself a vanilla reed diffuser to put in my room when I got home to give it a calming smell. I also bought Horlicks which I got into the habit of drinking before going to bed at the ward.
For most of the day I was on edge because I was left hanging about the arrangements to take my medication home during leave and I could not go home until I had them.
Evening / Night:
After dinner, my medication was ready and I could finally go home for the weekend at 6pm. I will be returning to the ward on Monday. I plan to catch up with some people over this weekend and make the most of my temporary freedom.