I was supposed to go on holiday with my dad, H and my half brother today but due to recent events it’s been decided that it’s best not for me to go although I kind of regret not going I think it’s best that I stay home because my mum is the only family member who knows me and my condition. With my mentality recently I could easily trick my dad into trusting me with my medication which is a bad idea since overdose is my preferred method of suicide.
I’ve been sleeping for most of the time over the past few days and rarely allow myself to be alone now because when I am alone that seems to be when thoughts of self harm and suicide come into my head.
Despite sleeping so much I’m still really tired and feel like just crawling into my bed and staying there for hours. Even typing out this blog post seems too much for me.
My nan has returned home from the hospital but we’re still not sure what’s happening with her health. Some doctors think the problem is her heart others her lungs. So turns out it’s not just her gums that could be the problem but at least she’s home and acting more like herself for now.
I think it’s going to take a while for me to recover my energy considering its been an emotional and stressful week.
Song of the day: In The End by Linkin Park