I’ve just come back from youth club. We were having a party since it was the last session at our venue, we’ll soon be moving somewhere else for youth club. There was food and music but no one was really dancing apart from me and a couple other people I managed to convince to dance with me, I can’t help it music just makes me want to move.
It was an interesting party. For once I got dressed up. I wore a black dress with white embroidery, a pearl necklace and a bracelet. I also actually put make up on, the last time I did that was on my birthday back in march. I wasn’t feeling so good about my appearance today, my mum was taking photos of me in my new dress and when I saw them I told her to delete them because I did not like how I looked which is why I put make up on, to disguise my faults and exaggerate the best parts of me (my eyes and my lips). Its weird because just yesterday I thought I was really pretty even without make up and thought I could do youtube with confidence but then again I was stuck in fantasy world.
Well getting dressed up clearly got me quite a bit of attention at youth club. A boy there who I think has had a thing for me since we first met (and to be honest I like him to) said I looked beautiful and didn’t seem to know what to do with himself around me (so cute) a couple of other guys were talking to me, not flirting or anything, but I think the fact that I was really dolled up compared to my usual appearance of no make up, glasses, a sweatshirt and some jeans got heads turning. I felt so confident with the make up that my behaviour seemed to change, I was sort of making moves on the guy I like, asking if he wanted to come to the movies with me and a couple of friends then asking him to dance with me so I wouldn’t be dancing alone even though there was like three other people dancing already 😉 it led to him asking for my number by the end of the “party”
Embracing my girly side seemed to also bring out my confident, cheeky, flirty side. Like how you take on a character if you wear their costume, I became the girl within me who doesn’t often come out because I often can’t be asked to take up time to make myself look good, I just usually wake up, throw some clothes on and head out the door.
Another thing I ended up doing was talking to one of our group leaders about Borderline Personality disorder. She asked me what I do with my life and I replied with I work in a charity shop and write a blog and she asked what I write about, I said mental illness, told her I have depression and BPD. It then led her to saying the usual “I never would have guessed” “you seem so positive” e.t.c. So the conversation led to me talking with her about medication, how I believe my depression started, my thoughts and feelings as a person with a personality disorder. Some of the stuff she already knew because she studied psychology. It was still a good conversation to have since I’m good at talking about my mental health issues on my blog but not so much in face to face conversation which is something I think I should do more often.
Song of the day: You Get What You Give by New Radicals