Today I have not been paying much attention to reality, in fact I wanted nothing to do with it. I was stuck in my fantasy world and I was happy there. On the odd occasion I would come back to reality but feel very uncomfortable and irritated so I would soon return to fantasy.
An example would be I was in the waiting room, I was waiting for my psychiatrist since we had a follow up appointment. I was really deep in thought but then two women came and sat opposite me. I have trouble with eye contact, I don’t like looking at people in case they think I’m being rude but then if I didn’t look there way it would be like I was pretending they weren’t there which is even more rude. So I decided to read my book but I could not concentrate I had this feeling that one of the women opposite were watching me and I was starting to get really stressed out about it, luckily they were soon called away by someone.
I hate awkward situations where you’re in the same small space as a stranger like, what do you do, talk to them or what? it’s the reason I don’t like taking taxis because I am not much of a talker when it comes to people I’ve never met before but they often want to make conversation with you so we end up having a very awkward conversation where I would rather be staring out the window daydreaming.
Anyway, back to today (You can tell my concentration levels are screwed can’t you?) while walking to my appointment today with my mum she had been talking to me and I was so distracted by my own brain that I didn’t even realise she was talking to me in the first place. I was also struggling to focus on what my psychiatrist was saying to me. I just haven’t felt like I’ve been processing things properly today. I am often like this but today was worse than most.
I may go through my psychiatrist appointment in more detail another time but for now my brain is just not willing to cooperate with me and I can’t blog later on tonight because I’m going to a movie marathon with some friends, honestly I’m kind of reluctant to go, I do really like these friends though so I think its just my depression wanting me to crawl into bed and hide from the world but not today.
Song of the day: Big Girls Cry by Sia