DepressionDiaries: Cry Baby…

Growing up, I was very emotional. After my dad left,  I remember having a bad, hard to control, temper and I cried a lot. I just couldn’t seem to control myself.

In primary school I remember a boy calling me a crybaby because I said something without thinking to him and, even though he was a bully, I felt bad for it and got upset (damn my conscience)

I remember crying at my 11th birthday party, can’t remember why but I went to the bathroom and I cried. At my new high school I was insulted and although I probably wouldn’t give a toss nowadays I started crying then and there.

Another time was at a rounders tournament, I lost concentration and wasn’t particularly good at sport anyway and my team got mad at me so, guess what, I cried.

When I came down with depression at 14 I remember crying almost every night and whenever I had a panic attack. As you can imagine, this emotional vulnerability and clear mentally unstableness got me bullied to the point that I started faking.

I would pretend to be happy and sometimes overcompensate by acting overly excited, this acting lead people to ask me if I was on drugs! XD (which I wasn’t by the way) Nowadays I don’t cry so much even when I need to, the tears don’t come and if I do cry I either hide in a toilet cubicle (which I did while at college) or wait until I was in my room at home.

I used to be ashamed of myself for being so emotional and being a “cry baby” but then I came across the song Cry Baby by Melanie Martinez and I could relate to it so well that I no longer feel ashamed for being a Cry Baby in school. I wish the song was released while I was in school, it could have been my theme song.

NI2M

You seem to replace your brain your heart, you take things so hard and then you fall apart”

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