DepressionDiaries: Imaginary Friends

Growing up, I was very imaginative. I liked coming up with stories, pretending to be different people and, like a lot of children, I had imaginary friends. I don’t quite remember them all but I found a drawing I got my mum or dad (can’t remember ) to do for me, it was a drawing of an imaginary family that I had created. It included a grandma, a grandfather and three grandchildren; no idea why 5 year old me didn’t include the parents and at one point, my mum told me, that I had gotten rid of the grandfather in the family (probably after my dad left) so that was one set of my imaginary people collection.

Another imaginary that I have a memory of is an alien, yep, I had an imaginary alien friend, no idea what happened to him, I think I must have sent him back on his spaceship. I also remember having an imaginary friend who was a girl but then I decided I wanted a boy imaginary friend instead so I “broke it off” (remembering these things and writing them down is making me laugh, I took my relationships with these imaginary friends so seriously! XD )

It was at this point that I had created Ollie. I remember him because I had him around until I was about 13 (I know its strange for a 13 year old to have an imaginary friend but I had/have issues, so don’t judge me) Ollie was with me practically all the time, at school, at home, anywhere. I guess it was because I was lonely (probably due to my undiagnosed BPD) I had friends but often felt misunderstood but Ollie understood because he was a part of my mind. I remember pretending that me and Ollie could communicate telepathically so I wouldn’t have to talk to him out loud and have people think I was stranger than I already was to them.

Although in year 5 I remember making a Christmas card for Ollie and some nosy bitch grabbing the card and showing it to others as it said “to Ollie, my best imaginary friend” and it was one of them times that I actually defended myself by snatching the card off her and telling her to “don’t show everyone!” not in an embarrassed way just pure anger at what a bitch she was, I haven’t seen her since primary school, I wonder if she’s still a bitch…

Anyway for about the three years that I had Ollie with me, he had made me feel less alone and brought me more confidence, Kind of sad, really but then I got myself a real best friend. Unfortunately we are not close anymore but for 4-5 years she was my best friend, I still miss the old times with her sometimes but you know, we both had to grow up and go our separate ways eventually.

I still miss having Ollie around sometimes, especially when I’m feeling lonely but then I remember, I’m 18, I’m too old to have an imaginary friend.Screw adulthood, I want to be a kid again.





Song of the day:  Beautiful Things by SayWeCanFly


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