DepressionDiaries: The morning after a depressive episode

Last night I had what I call a depressive episode which lasted a few hours. What I consider an episode is when my depression is so bad that it sort of overpowers me.

I was crying and felt incredibly lonely. I just lay in my bed wondering what’s the point of it all.

The Main reason was because a friend had let me down. This is where the diagnosis of BPD make sense because I do not handle disappointment well and can get very angry with people for seemingly trivial reasons but in my head it’s completely justified.

I haven’t told this friend that I’m mad and feel let down by her, I’ve just been ignoring her calls and messages. I should probably talk to her but thing is how do you let someone know that they’ve made you  feel bad without hurting them? 

Now it is 8:30 am I’ve been awake since 7:45 not sure why but after last night’s episode I feel neither sad nor happy or even angry. I feel disconnected and neutral also very hungry but don’t want to eat. I don’t think I’ll be going into work today.

NI2M 

Advertisements

10 thoughts on “DepressionDiaries: The morning after a depressive episode

  1. Broken.Angel.Dreams says:

    I’m soo sorry to hear this. I’m here for you and just a message away when you want to talk so when you are feeling like this you can always talk to me. If i ever upset you or anything like that I’m sorry and you can always tell me if I ever have. -Broken Angel-

    Liked by 1 person

  2. jacobtugwood says:

    I can identify a lot with this. Even though deep down I know that I’m being quite irrational it can take me a while to calm down and see things clearly. One of the things I’ve found that helps is imagining how you would react if a friend of yours told you that they were ignoring/rejecting one of their friends for the same reason. I find that by creating a barrier and seeing how depression would impact someone else, it helps put things into perspective more. Either way, I hope that you feel better soon πŸ™‚

    Liked by 1 person

    • normalistoomainstream says:

      Thank you. I’ve made up with that friend now she called me and apologised I didn’t tell I was mad I just asked her to tell me as soon as possible if there’s a change of plan because I was left confused. Great advise by the way πŸ™‚

      Like

  3. Rayne says:

    I totally get you. Thanks to therapy, I’m slowly starting to tell people when they hurt me, but it takes a while, as I want to make sure I say it in the least impulsive and best way possible. It’s a challenge, but it’s really necessary to learn how to reveal how other’s actions affect us, as most of the time, they aren’t even aware of it. I told my best friend a while ago that by her constantly cancelling/postponing plans with me, I feel hurt, insignificant and abandoned… Like I’m not good enough to spend time with. She was shocked and told me that she had no idea it affected me that much. She’s been much, much better since then. It was scary being so open and honest with her, fearing she would end our friendship, but that didn’t happen and I’m glad we could speak about it. πŸ™‚ We tend to catastrophasize (is that even a word, lol) things in our heads and think others will react in the worst way, when lots of times that’s not what will happen.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Blooming Lily says:

    I just came across your blog, I can identify so much with this. I am also a college student living with BPD and depression (and blogging about it) and I love your idea of “depression diaries” to show people what it’s really like to live with mental illness. I know it doesn’t help much during a depressive episode, but know that you are not alone!

    Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s