Last night I had what I call a depressive episode which lasted a few hours. What I consider an episode is when my depression is so bad that it sort of overpowers me.
I was crying and felt incredibly lonely. I just lay in my bed wondering what’s the point of it all.
The Main reason was because a friend had let me down. This is where the diagnosis of BPD make sense because I do not handle disappointment well and can get very angry with people for seemingly trivial reasons but in my head it’s completely justified.
I haven’t told this friend that I’m mad and feel let down by her, I’ve just been ignoring her calls and messages. I should probably talk to her but thing is how do you let someone know that they’ve made you feel bad without hurting them?
Now it is 8:30 am I’ve been awake since 7:45 not sure why but after last night’s episode I feel neither sad nor happy or even angry. I feel disconnected and neutral also very hungry but don’t want to eat. I don’t think I’ll be going into work today.