The Book Fix: ‘It’s Kind Of A Funny Story’ Review

‘It’s kind of a funny story’ was written by Ned Vizzini and it’s about a fifteen year old boy called Craig who struggles with Anxiety and Depression. On a particular night he has a suicidal episode which gets him checked into hospital and spending time in Adult Psychiatric. It’s here that he meets people who are struggling like him and his life begins to change.

The best thing about this book, in my opinion, is the characters. I liked them all in some way and felt like I could relate to the main character as I struggle with depression myself. Ned Vizzini put depression into words that I could not find to describe it and I’ve actually learned quite a bit about myself while reading this book. It’s even inspired me to start drawing again (you’d have to read it to find out how)

I’m not sure how accurate life in hospital on the psychiatric department comes across in the book because I haven’t been in a psychiatric ward… yet but since the author had been in that sort of place I will take his word for it.

Overall I would say that this book is a realistic portrayal of life with depression and anxiety but it’s put across in a light-hearted fashion so its not too hard on the emotions. I would recommend this book to those who have depression and/or anxiety because, as I see it, it’s quite therapeutic and comforting to read.

Also the book was turned into a movie and from clips I’ve seen of it, it’s quite similar to the book; Here’s the trailer…

 

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DepressionDiaries: When One Shop Closes…

Unfortunately the charity shop that I currently work in is closing down. No one knows when but it’s going to be taken over and turned into a restaurant. I’m sort of sad that this is happening because it was my first job and I felt like a part of the shop like I really contributed to it, customers seemed to like me so they wouldn’t mind coming back, My manager was able to take time off because she could trust me with the shop and book sales went up thanks to my ideas.

Even though the job was stressful and really difficult to handle some days, I’m going to miss it. I know my internship ends soon anyway but I wanted to stay on a little longer but looks like this is my queue to start looking for paid work. My manager said it wouldn’t actually close for a long time but you know, the uncertainty of when it’s going to close makes me want to secure a job so I’m not left with nothing to do when the shop does officially close down.

Opening up  the shop the other day while my manager was away gave me a sense of pride like “yeah, I run this, this is my shop for today” it made me think, if I was a manager of my own shop I could get that sort of pride everyday. So when I’m older I want to run my own shop, most likely a bookshop. I would be the manager making sure everything was in order, my own place, my own business. Being an assistant manager at this charity shop makes me want to do it. I feel like I have more ambition now that I know exactly what I want to do for a living and its thanks to the charity shop.

I will miss it but I guess it’s best to move on and progress in my life. I’m going to start my job hunt soon. I’ll keep you updated on how it goes.

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NI2M

Song of the day: You’ve Got The Love by Florence + The Machine

DepressionDiaries: When you forget your meds…

Last night I had forgotten to take my melatonin tablet which helps me wind down and go to sleep as a result of this forgetfulness, I had a pretty restless night last night which made me very tired for most of the day.

Also, guess what? I forgot to take my fluoxetine this morning, I had to be in work earlier than usual and was already working at the time I usually take my meds and I hadn’t even brought the pills to work with me so when I finally did remember them it was too late.

I had felt like I’d gone back to square one for a period of time today, I was very irritable, low on energy and stressed to the point of wanting to bang my head against a wall. This emotional state seemed to be a result of lack of sleep not my forgetting to take my fluoxetine because as soon as I came home from work I slept for the rest of the afternoon and when I finally woke up I felt much better.

This is my first day forgetting to take my fluoxetine and one day I’ve been told doesn’t make any difference I’ve just got to make sure I remember them tomorrow.

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NI2M

Song of the day:  Control by Halsey

DepressionDiaries: Feels good to not be graded

I don’t think I’ve actually drawn anything since I did art in high school. Fair to say I was put off it because my art teacher always wanted our work to be done HER way even though art is supposed to be about self expression. I flunked art because my work didn’t meet a “good enough criteria” since then I was put off art because it felt like something I had to be good at and do to a certain standard. No freedom to it.

Today however I was inspired to draw again by a book turned movie called ‘It’s kind of a funny story’ I won’t go into too much detail about it  because you know… spoilers but I decided to draw my favourite character called Noelle.

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I doubt it’s something that my old art teacher would approve of but I like it. It feels good to do something for myself and not for a grade.

 

NI2M

Song of the day: Heart Attack by Demi Lovato

DepressionDiaries: Self- Destruction vs Self-Love

Self-love seems so easy. Just accept who you are and love yourself. That is what everyone says. As if everybody was trying to convince themselves that having insecurities is a sin.

Source: When you expect more from yourself…

I don’t often share other people’s posts but this one inspired me to post today even though I had no plans to. The post talks about learning to love yourself not being as easy as people say and I completely agree.

I have some very self destructive behaviours such as taking things way too personally and self harming. The main reason I think is that I have high expectations of myself. I’m not exactly a perfectionist but I can be quite controlling and set unrealistic goals for myself such as getting my grade E up to a B in the final term of the year or never missing a day of blogging or  writing.

When I fail to meet that goal my self destructive behaviours and thought patterns arise. Self harming, self- deprecating and isolating myself. This leads me on to a path where I see no point in carrying on with what I am doing, such as college, work and practically every aspect of my life because I believe that I let myself and others down and there is no getting back up.

This self destruction has caused me to quit college, quit my dream of being a performer and give up on writing projects. Its even starting to make me want to give up my blog and my job because I am so self critical about everything I do but I am trying, I’m trying not to let my own mind get the better of me, keep going and not be so hard on myself.

Step by Step

Day by Day

Then maybe in the future I’ll finally be able to accept myself for who I am.

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NI2M

Song of the day: Keep Holding On by Avril Lavigne

 

DepresionDiaries: Feeling Sick, Guilty and lonely

I feel so bad today, nothing particularly bad has happened today but I feel bad. I can’t really make sense of it. Yesterday I spent the afternoon with a friend and had a great time, now things have gone down hill again.

My depression has been taunting me for the past 5 days about my blog. Saying how all I’m doing is moaning about how pathetic I am and that no one actually cares about the blog. It’s made me reluctant to blog lately, the only reason I’m blogging now is because my mum convinced me that it would help.

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My weight is a bit of a worry, I had it checked yesterday for this health programme to help me eat better because I barely eat and when I do I eat Junk. My BMI is normal but only just, I’m a bit too close for comfort to being underweight and I’ve lost about a stone (pound) recently.

I’ve barely eaten today I had breakfast then roughly 6 hours later  I had dinner but I didn’t finish it. The reason why is because I spent roughly £50 on books today, I’d just got so excited looking at them all and I realised they were buy one get one half price, I ended up buying 8 books.

After realising what I had just done, I felt bad, I felt like I was wasting the money that one of my aunts gave me and that I would soon run out of money and not be able to help my mum financially. I nearly cried in the restaurant I had dinner in and ended up pushing my plate away from me, feeling sick. I still feel sick from guilt and stress probably but then again I’m not one to go clubbing and I don’t drink often or have any interest in drugs (tried smoking once, I didn’t like it) so at least I’m not spending loads of money on getting wasted just being a bookworm.

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Despite seeing a friend only yesterday, I feel very lonely, like I’m not understood and people only like me for what I can do for them not my personality.Why would anyone like my personality? I suck, you’re reading the blog of a young woman who just spent £50 on books and is building forts and drinking milk from a water bottle, desperately wanting to be a child again because being an adult is just too much for her to handle. There should probably be a name for something like this such as  “New Adult Crisis” or something.

Anyway, sorry for the long post, I’m not sure when the next post will come because of how I’ve been feeling about blogging lately but thank you for reading this one. Goodbye for now

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NI2M

Song of the day:  Words by Skylar Grey 

 

 

DepressionDiaries: Depression, The News and me

When I was about 11 or 12 I was really into the idea of becoming a journalist. I would take a notebook with me everywhere I went so I could do interviews and make notes of events for articles (I don’t remember actually writing any articles though) I would read newspapers and watch the news to learn from professionals, The profession was really exciting to me. The news would be on as I was getting ready for school every morning so information was always streaming into my ears even if I wasn’t watching it.

However as part of my nature I have a lot of empathy so learning of some really horrid things on the news would get to me. Especially when I first had depression and Anxiety at age 14. By then the idea of becoming a journalist was dead to me and no longer paid attention to the news because of how bad it would make me feel, my depression would make me wonder why I live in a world where horrible things happen and my anxiety would make me fear getting killed or mugged by some random person.

To this day I avoid the news like the plague but now I am on the internet a lot so really big events would always come to my attention somehow. Also in college I took Journalism as a replacement for Psychology which meant I had to do extensive research into events for coursework and that was not exactly easy for me, some news images still haunt me and sometimes they make me feel sick out of disgust that people would do such nasty things to others and fear that one day myself or someone I love could be a victim to these people.

I remember there was a shooting near where one of my friends lived a couple of years ago and I was so scared for her life that I rung her to check she was okay. Forgetting that if she were a victim the news would report it and they hadn’t but I still panicked.

I did try and make a group on facebook that was dedicated to sharing good news instead of bad earlier this year,it did help for a while because it encouraged me to look at reports of people doing good to restore my own and other people’s faith in humanity but then my depression got worse and I gave up on it. I gave up on a lot of things because of my depression.

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NI2M

Song if the day: Call Me When You’re Sober by Evanescence

DepressionDiaries: Cluttered Creativity

I was back at youth club last Friday. I didn’t blog about it on the day because I came back late and was exhausted since I had been working during the afternoon.

The theme at youth club was “Around the world” where we had printouts of flags of different countries that we could recreate using card and there were a bunch of holiday brochures that we could cut pictures out of to make a collage. Since it’s my dream to travel the world this theme was right up my alley.

This is the collage I made. It has images from Naples, Sri Lanka, Lapland, Barbados, Egypt and Australia.

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I stuck it to my bedroom to remind me of my ambition everyday. I’m hoping it will bring light on my really dark days seeing the possibilities of my future.

NI2M

Song of the day: Read all about it by Professor Green ft Emilie Sande

 

 

 

DepressionDiaries: I have Depression… What’s your excuse?

I was in work this afternoon and there is someone there who is so lazy I ended up doing what HE was supposed to do and when he is asked to do something by my manager he moans and complains. It really annoys me.

While I’m restocking, organising and dating things (which he could have helped with) he’s sitting behind the till doing nothing but moan about how boring his  job is. Well if you spent some time, clearing the shop floor or dating the items that you were supposed to but I ended up doing while you went on your hour long lunch break, if you did those things while waiting for customers you would not be bored, you moron!

It annoys me how someone who is clearly able to function normally doesn’t use their abilities to do anything. While I’m working twice as much as he is even though I have depression. I have to take 3 tablets a day (2 fluoxetine to help me function during the day and Melatonin to help me sleep so I don’t stay up all night thinking) I am very ill but I still go into work and do as much as I can. It’s as if people like him expect to get spoon-fed all their lives.

There is a stigma that says people with depression are lazy but that could not be further from the truth. If anything people with depression or any other mental illness for that matter work ten times as hard as the average person because life gets harder with a mental illness such as Depression, Anxiety disorder, Schizophrenia e.t.c. but we push on because we want to function like an average person, we want to work and live a healthy life like an average person. So average people  STOP. YOUR. BITCHING.

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NI2M

F*CK you by Lily Allen

DepressionDiaries: Here Comes “The Crash Down”

Over the past 5 -6 days I had been doing really well, I was able to get a lot done, go back to work and enjoy my life. However today I feel like absolute crap, this morning it was difficult to get up, I don’t feel up to doing anything that requires me to leave my bed, my appetite sucks and I feel like crying when there is absolutely no reason to. The only consolation is that I am not suicidal or feel the need to self harm, probably because I’m too tired to muster up the energy to hurt myself.

This has happened  before, I would have a period of time where I would feel great and be able to do what I want and need to do and then one day I’ll wake up and feel awful, I call this “The Crash Down” like I’ve been flying high for a while and all of a sudden I drop straight down to the ground, no parachute or anything.

I’ve switched my phone off so I won’t have to talk to anyone and just want to go back to sleep but I can’t because I’m hungry but I don’t want to eat anything. Hopefully I’ll be okay soon.

NI2M

Song of the day:  Hope of Morning by Icon For Hire