*Warning this post mentions suicide and death
Hey, nothing to do with Mental Health awareness week today. Sorry about that, the reason being is that today has not been a good day, I got very little sleep last night and as soon as I woke up this morning I didn’t want to leave my bed.
All day I had been thinking about death and planning my suicide, I’m not entirely sure why but my depression has been particularly strong today. Despite this I still went into work however I only lasted about an hour before I left because my depression was so bad. My body was aching, I had no interest in anything I was doing and death was on my mind.
So I came home and slept for the rest of the afternoon, when I woke up I didn’t feel much better, I felt tearful and like there was no point in anything. That’s when I went on this computer programme… thing that’s supposed to train your brain to be more positive. Not going to lie I thought all this “think happy” “lead a more positive life” was a load of pretentious crap, I mean how can anyone actually be that happy in life?
Although the track I was using involved activities that are supposed to help me improve my friendships and the activities did take my mind off death and I felt better emotionally after doing a couple of them, in fact I felt motivated to actually talk to my friends afterwards; my body still aches from tension though…
Song of the day: ‘Bad Day’ by Daniel Powter