When I was younger I used to be very expressive, If I was upset I would cry, If I was happy I’d laugh and if I was angry I’d shout; pretty simple but three years of bullying taught me that expressing human emotion is a sign of vulnerability that would make you an easy target.
So I’ve learned the ‘grin and bear it’ approach to life which is why people never suspect that I have depression because I smile and grin all the time. I smile to hide my annoyance, I smile to hide my nervousness, I smile to hide that I need to cry and I smile when I am happy so it’s understandable that people won’t believe that I have depression.
An example I had of using the ‘grin and bear it’ approach is that I was in work and a rather loud, smelly customer who has a habit of being… overly friendly came in and, I usually stay behind the till so no one can touch or come too close to me but unfortunately I was away from the till, trying to arrange stuff when he came in, he greeted me and wanted a hug from me I didn’t want to cause trouble so I agreed and he hugged me round the waist.
Now as you probably know I have issues with people getting in to my personal space and being too friendly in that manner but I don’t know how to communicate that without offending anyone or causing an argument so I just used the ‘ grin and bear it’ approach to hide how uncomfortable I was.
I am aware that this is not a healthy way of living, I should learn how to be assertive and stand up for myself. I would not recommend this way of life to anyone; it’s draining and can bring you into situations that you really don’t want to be in because no one knows that you don’t want to be in them.