DepressionDiaries: Living on autopilot

Today was my first nothing day in the past couple of weeks. I didn’t have to go to work or the shops and I had the house to myself but despite the fact that I could just relax all day I had been very restless. My body and my brain must have gotten used to going out everyday either to work, go to the shops or see family that having a day where I don’t have to do any of those things made me agitated.

So I ended up going for a  walk, I stopped at a newsagents to get myself a magazine, some crisps and a drink just so my journey had some kind of purpose. Since I ‘ve been working more regularly I’ve gotten into a routine of getting up at a certain time every morning and being very busy in the afternoons. I don’t even have to think about doing tasks such as making tea I just automatically do it without really taking anything in which causes me some memory problems.

For example the last time I went to see my counsellor he asked how my day had been the day before and my mind drew a blank, I can hardly remember anything of my week, I more or less live my life on autopilot nowadays; detached from my surroundings and just doing the task at hand basically just getting through my day by doing what my routine dictates.

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