DepressionDiaries: I wish my brain would shut up

So. Many. Thoughts. Last night (actually 3:30am) I was lying awake with all these thoughts circling my head. I had a thought that was morally wrong, it was a sudden and quick thought but I clung to it and started mentally beating myself up over it. I started having thoughts like “How could I think that?” “I’m a monster” “I don’t deserve to live.”

I thought about self harming to punish myself for my thought but then a sudden thought came to me that instantly calmed me down “Haven’t you punished yourself enough emotionally?”

I often have episodes like this, especially at night (it makes me afraid to go to bed because of what my brain might put me through) it was the first time I managed to calm myself down with a simple thought though, the first time I had actually reasoned with myself. It was strange but I’m glad I managed to stop myself self harming though.

That’s all from me today,

NI2M

 

 

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