DepressionDiaries: I miss my old self

When I say my old self I mean the me from last year before my relapse back into depression. I was up last night, lying in bed thinking about so many things; what happened during my day, what may happen in my future and old memories back from when I was much happier.

My old self was so loving and caring she would help anyone who needed it. Now I’m cautious of who I help because I don’t want to be taken advantage of.

My old self was so open and considered many people to be her friend. Now I question people’s motives ” do they really care about me?” or “are they just using me?”

My old self was so enthusiastic about college and her subjects. Now I left college early because I no longer got enjoyment out of my subjects and I felt college wasn’t worth risking my depression getting more worse than it already was.

My old self may have been scatty, awkward and come across as really strange but at least she was happy. Now I mostly feel irritable, apathetic and disappointed toward most things.

I know that even when I recover from depression I’ll probably not be the same as my old self but I sure hope I’m better than I am currently.

That’s all from me today,

NI2M

 

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