I went to see my counsellor yesterday. I was really dreading it to be honest, I hadn’t seen him for two months because, two months ago, things looked great and the only reason I had an appointment with him yesterday was because we made a review appointment of how things were going. A few weeks ago things went down hill, my sensitivity had increased and I had become less motivated and stressed out more easily. I was so frustrated because things had been going well and I thought I was better, obviously not.
As I sat in the waiting room, my thoughts started swimming inside my head, I thought I had let my counsellor down or disappointed him and that I wasn’t worth the time he gave me because I was just being a pathetic whiner. I contemplated just walking out and not going to my appointment but where would I go? I couldn’t go home because my mum didn’t expect me home for another hour and would be mad if I missed my appointment, so I went through with it.
Contrary to my beliefs, it wasn’t bad, I didn’t really talk to deeply about my feelings because I didn’t want to instead I talked to him about some changes I’m making to my life such as leaving college and getting a job, both of which I was stressed about but after explaining my reasons for these changes he reassured me that I was doing the best for myself and congratulated me on being so open and mature. To be honest I didn’t feel like I was either of those things but it was nice.
I remember something he said during our meeting that I would like to keep with me. He said:
We didn’t choose our birth, so why should we choose our death?
I’ve written this quote on a post-it note and stuck it to my wall alongside other quotes I like to live by. I suggest you do the same and read through them when you’re down to keep you going.
That’s all from me today,