If you’ve been reading my blog for a while now. You should know I have depression, if you haven’t, you know now. I ‘ve decided to start writing a blog series called Depression Diaries which will be my personal account of what it’s like to have depression. This will be a way for me to vent my darkest feelings but also a way of getting people who don’t have the illness to understand it better and for people who have it to feel less alone.
In this blog post I’m going to make a list of things I wish I could tell people about what it’s like to have depression but cannot. Do bear in mind that this is my personal account of depression and the illness comes in various degrees of severity and expresses itself differently with different people; Anyway let’s begin…
- In the mornings, I struggle to get out of bed because I’d rather stay in bed and avoid life’s dramas. I would lie in bed for an hour or so before I can eventually force myself to get up.
- I take a pill every morning to help my brain function but even with it, I still have my dark days.
- I have to remind myself everyday not to self harm because sometimes I use it as a way to ease my mental pain even though It’s a bad way to relieve stress.
- My brain is like a busy street, I have so many loud and conflicting thoughts that I’m not always aware of what is going on around me.
- People seem to think that because I can laugh and have a good time everything is suddenly, magically better even though when I’m home alone I’ll probably start crying.
- some days I think I’m better off alone so I’ll shut myself in my room and switch off my phone so I don’t have to talk to anyone.
- Things that I used to enjoy doing, no longer interest me
- I do not fear death, in fact, I’d be okay with dying.
- but, even on my worst days, I still get out of bed and do even the smallest task because doing something is better than lying around wishing you were dead.
- Even if I want to be alone, I still make time for my friends because they’re good friends and I don’t want to lose them.
well that’s my list of honest thoughts and feelings, someone else with depression could probably make their own with some differences because depression does effect everyone differently.
If you do know someone with depression, show them that you’re there for them or if you have depression yourself, remember that you are not alone.
Keep fighting and do not give up,